How To Address Yourself And Others In Japanese

Japanese might seem hard at first because all the phrases that you'd like to learn in beginning are weird and completely different from most of Western languages. One of the things that looks pretty complicated for something so basic in English language is way to address people.

In English, we simply use I (or me) and you in everyday conversations, and there's no my philosophy there. I refers to the speaker, and you refers to a person speak is talking to.

In Japanese, however, things can get pretty nasty. And the more you want to lean about it, the more you find out how complicated it can be. That's why we'll take a look at all the different ways to address yourself, the person you're talking to and someone else. Of course, I'll try to explain when and how to use each of these.

Talking About Yourself

When talking about yourself, you need to keep two things in mind which determine the word you'll choose: your gender and how formal the situation is. Below is the list of six ways to address yourself, going from not formal at all to very formal.

1. Using your own name. Talking about yourself as if you're talking about a third person (i.e. using your own name instead of any form of word "I") is considered very childish and feminine, so you mostly probably won't be using this one at all, but it's nice to know.
2. 「あたし」 (atashi) is another variation used mostly by girls. It's far from formal, but still much better than using your own name. However, this is probably not the one you'd want to use, either.
3. 「俺」【おれ】 (ore) sounds very rough, hence it's used by males only. This is the word that you'd want to use when talking to your close friends in casual situations, unless you're a girl.
4. 「僕」【ぼく】 (boku) is similar to ore because it's also used mostly by male population, but this one is much less rough. Although its primary usage is in casual situations, it's not as informal as ore, so it's used more liberally.
5. 「私」【わたし】 (watashi) is definitely the word to go with if you're unsure which one to use, which is also the reason why it's usually the first one you learn when learning Japanese. It's used both my females and males, and it's used for the usual polite situations. Females tend to use it more because its alternate form 「あたし」atashi sounds too childish.
6. 「私」【わたくし】 (watakushi) is, linguistically speaking, extremely close to previously described 「私」watashi, which it also obvious because it actually uses the same kanji character. However, it's very formal, so it's reserved for the politest situations. For example, a president would use 「わたくし」watakushi in his speech. Because of its formality, it's used equally by males and females.

So, the ones you'll probably want to use on daily basis are 「僕」boku (if you're male) and 「私」watashi (whatever you are) . Girls have less to think about which one to use, I guess.

Anyway,l be careful about using these words. Japanese is a context-based and subject-omitting language, which means that most of the sentences are understood only from the context in which they are. It will usually be obvious that you're talking about yourself, so you'll probably want to omit "I" for most of the time. Mention it a few times, and then just drop it as long as the subject (i.e "I") stays the same.

Mentioning The Person You're Speaking To

Up to this point, this article used word "you" about 30 times. Japanese has six different words for "you", but if you translated this article in Japanese, it would appear 0 times up until now. That's because in Japanese, the word for "you" is usually either omitted, replaced with the person's name with or without appropriate honorific suffix, or the person's title.

Again, let's start with the lest formal ways.

1. The first, very rude version is 「貴様」【きさま】kisama. You might have heard this word in shonen anime before, and it's usually translated with a curse, which shows you exactly how rude this is. It's ironic how theoretically it actually just means "you". By the way, you definitely don't want to use this one, even if you want to be very rude. This is never used in everyday conversations, and it's present only in anime and manga.
2. Another very rude way to address someone is 「手前」【てまえ】temae. Once again, this is reserved for anime and manga only, and is usually pronounced as temee.
3. 「あんた」anta is another version of "you". It you really have to use it, use it only with your closest friends. Otherwise, it might sound disrespectful. I's not recommended to use this one, either.
4. The next one is 「お前」【おまえ】omae. Here we're getting into something that actually being used in everyday conversations, but it's still very rude to say this to someone. It's very rough, brings the same atmosphere as using ore for yourself.
5. Finally, 「君」【きみ】kimi. This is the one you'd want to go with and the one you're free to use, as long as you don't overuse it in every single sentence where you'd put English "you". It's however very close and is mostly used by boys to address girls, but it's not a rule.
6. The most popular and wide-spread one is 「あなた」anata. There is a proper kanji for it: 「貴方」, but it's extremely rarely used since anata by itself sounds formal enough. The general rule still applies: don't overuse it. In Japan, it's mostly used when you don't know who exactly you're talking to, for example if I was to ask you a question through this blog, I probably use 「あなた」anata.

Those were the six words that translate into "you" in English, but there is more that you need to know. Not using anything at all is probably the way to go. As I previously mentioned, Japanese is a context-based language. When you meet someone and shake hands (or bow to them, since we're talking about Japanese here), you usually ask them something among the lines of "How are you?". But let's be fair here, it's obvious you're not asking "How am I?" or "How is he?". In Japanese, it's common to omit the subject and just go straight to the point of the question: "How?"

The next level of politeness is using the name of person you're talking to, or their title, or both of them. For example, you'd address your teacher with 「先生」【せんせい】sensei, and someone your age you just met with his surname. It's recommended to add a honorific suffix, one of the famous three are 「さん」san, 「くん」kun and 「ちゃん」chan. If you're unsure about which one to use, just go with 「さん」san, and you can't make a mistake there.

Please keep in mind that you should never use a honorific suffix to your own name. So when you introduce yourself, don't get carried away and add 「さん」san to your name.

Referring To Others

Pretty much the same rules apply here, but this time there are no bunch of words that translate to the same thing in English. There is 「彼」【かれ】kare which you can use for males and 「彼女」【かのじょ】kanojo for females. The only problem is that there words can also mean "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", but it's usually clear from the context which you're referring to.

By the way, do you notice what kanji characters look like? 「彼女」kanojo is just 「彼」kare with added kanji for woman 「女」. Easy to remember, eh?

Too Long; Didn't Read Version

Basically, you'll rarely use these words, so there's nothing to worry about. When you think you should use them, however, stick with 「私」watashi or 「僕」boku for yourself and 「あなた」anata for person you're talking to, just be sure not to overuse either. Overusing 「私」watashi will make you sound like you think too high of yourself and overusing 「あなた」anata will make the impression that you're accusing the person you're talking to of something.

What is your experience with these words? Do you know any others? I didn't write a few because they are very rarely used and are considered archaic, so you might want to dig that up, in case you're interested.